It is beautiful to have an ideal because without an ideal man is as good as dead. Yet at the same time one must know what it takes to live an ideal. Especially when it comes to love, it is difficult enough for one to live the ideal of true immortal love. The chances that both will be living the same ideal is even more rare. Therefore the first thing to do, if we are not to get disillusioned, is to find the soul. It is only when we have discovered the soul and started living in it and from it that we can realise dreams of an ideal love, flawless happiness, life without grief and peace that does not depend upon outer circumstances. For sadhana too this is the first important step else the play of forces can mislead us and our nature unable to bear the Divine touch may suffer a breakdown. The rule of sadhana is to give to the Divine rather than pull the Divine Force. Else resistances like doubt and fear etc may come up to derail us.
For now my advice will be to take a little break and, if feasible, go to the mountains and rest for a while before bouncing back upon life. Or else, stop reading for some time and get busy with work, especially physical and manual work. Call Mother’s Name and dedicate all your actions to Her. Have faith and things will settle down in due course of time.
Affectionately,
Alok Da