Love happens when it has to happen. One cannot find it this way. Not that there is anything wrong with trying to find someone whom you feel suitable and compatible for you. Often it is better than a blind process as our emotions are not always the best guide. True love is a different and rare event. If it happens then it carries its own beauty and strength. But what we normally call as love is a romantic sentiment. It is charming as long as it lasts but usually does not last long. When it fades away then the egos begin to rub and all that was not noticed due to the blinding storm of passions. Worse still the intensity of feelings that attracted two people turns by its very intensity into hate. On the other hand love may develop through the door of attachment rather than through attraction in an arranged or rather semi-arranged marriage as two people live together sharing a common life and discover each other. It may lack the fiery ardour and the sweet mad intensity but it may grow in depth and grow slowly but endure better the shocks of like like a tree with strong deep roots.
All depends upon the readiness and willingness to sacrifice mutually. Sacrifice is essence of life and whether something including relationship will grow and evolve into something beautiful, lasting and true depends upon this single factor. Of course sacrifice is not compromise. Compromise means the person diminishes in trying to adjust to the demands of the other person. Sacrifice implies that both help and support each other in their journey and, though together, allow sufficient space and are willing to forego personal comforts and needs lovingly for the progress of the loved one. Compromise is ego-centric and tends to strain each other and breakdown after sometime. Sacrifice strengthens us because it is moved by love and is progress centric.
What is important is to see if you have an affinity with the person, and most importantly if both are willing to help each other grow and progress along the lines natural to each other. It is best of course if both are bound together in a common goal on the same path and share a common aspiration. But that is very rare and if one can find it, whether through love or arranged marriage or any other way of destiny then it is truly a wonderful Grace.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
