We should have courage for ourselves first; then it will radiate and be transmitted to others, especially children. The most important thing to remember is that the divine is with us all the time, 24/7. Whenever we have to face difficult circumstances and situations, He is there and never leaves us. Of course, there are different ways to develop courage. Stoics will say it differently; they will just say, “face it.” So, face the difficulty but with the constant state of remembrance that the divine is with us all the time, and that gives us the deepest courage. And then, if there is a difficulty or challenge, go through it. That way, the fears will also go away. The best way of overcoming fears psychologically is to face them.
Of course, there is another way: rationally facing it. If you are afraid of something, try to reason out what it is that you are afraid of. Then one realizes that their fears are disproportionate to the actual thing. For example, if one sees a snake lying somewhere, it is not going to bite you unless you step on its tail. Most of the time, when a snake bites, it is not poisonous, and one does not necessarily die from its bite if one can stay calm and take the right measures. But we have some inbuilt fears, and we have to get over them through these means.
For children, one should teach them to face life and its difficulties. They should look at life objectively, squarely, with reason, and face it. Children should also be engaged in physical education and actual challenges in their physical lives because it helps to overcome fear. When children meet these challenges in a controlled way, they become capable of handling them when they face life and its difficulties.
For example, in Pondicherry Ashram, when the kids are taught judo, the first lesson taught to them is how to fall. I know a couple of students who, when they actually met with an accident, instinctively jumped and rolled on the ground. Something that could have been fatal was avoided due to this training. It becomes ingrained in their system so that instead of reacting with fear, they respond correctly. After all, in every situation, there is a right response. Being fearless does not mean saying, “Okay, I’ll go and dive into a hole.” One has to be fearless like Hanuman, who responds correctly in every situation.
So, for children, especially through training and learning, they must learn to give the right response.
Besides, Courage has many dimensions, for example, speaking the truth. In education, one of the things to be taught is to never punish a child when they are speaking the truth. If they confess, don’t punish them. Your response should be, “We appreciate that you have told the truth, but don’t do it again for these reasons – e.g., it is harmful.” But never punish the child when they speak the truth. Most importantly, never bring fear between you and the child. Courage also means standing up for what is true and beautiful. Above all courage means recognising our mistakes which children seldom learn because the adult world always justifies their own mistakes.
In fact, the whole idea of reward and punishment is never a good idea; it’s a very primitive notion. If you give a child a chocolate if they don’t cry, they will believe that when they grow up, they should live only to earn chocolates, which changes into bigger things. Equally, fear is not good as fear and favour are two sides of the same coin. If we instill a desire for pleasure, then the aversion to pain will come because of dualities. If you want to be a good person, the bad will be in the shadows. That is why it is said you should serve the divine rather than being righteous. There is a profound psychological principle in this, as well as the ability to stay courageous.
For children upto a certain age, stories are the best way to teach the qualities. It inspires them with a living or relatable example. There are beautiful stories in our own scriptures. Satyakam Jabali and Shakuntala are stories of truth. If you teach children the value of truth, it will actually make them fearless. Teach them not only to be truthful but to instill in them the conviction that ultimately it is the truth that triumphs – Satyameva Jayate Nanritam.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
