In liking a person romantically, I often tell myself, “if it is meant to be, it will happen”. Or, “don’t force things, let them occur naturally and spontaneously”. But the irony is often that when you tell such things to yourself you get into an inactive state and the other person gets into a relationship during that time. In fact my mother told me, “if your father had not openly disclosed his feelings, we would have never married”.🤨 [Conti]

So whenever I seriously like somebody, on the one hand I am stuck in this passive state of waiting for things to unfold as per some higher wisdom that “what is truly yours will come to you”, on the other realising that in life this is a defeating strategy and nobody achieves anything by waiting for things to come to them. How to resolve this conflict between these two tendencies?

This is not a defeatist strategy but indeed a wise thing to do. One should not push the doors of destiny too hard to force open them. It often backfires. To learn to wait is indeed to put time on your side. 

However if you feel inclined towards someone there is nothing wrong in meeting the person and see if both of you are mutually inclined and feel happy in each other’s company. If such a thing is felt it is certainly worth expressing it and see how the person responds. Obviously one-sided romance is not worth the effort but if there is felt an inclination in the other person, especially feelings of genuine care and sweetness in the relationship, then it is worth expressing your feelings and then wait rather than the other way round.

Affectionately,

Alok Da