Alok da, since last 15 days we are struggling to make our 11 year old sleep in his own room, though he sleeps in his room every other night he come and sleep with us, we have tried everything but he wants me to make him sleep and even after that he gets up and wants me to put him to sleep again in the middle of the night, we feel it’s high time that he needs to sleep on his own, Please advice😳.

Yes children should begin to sleep by themselves by 5. In India, due to stronger emotional bonding and family attachment it takes longer. In any case by 10 one must start sleeping alone. It is just a question of time that they learn it. Sometimes when they have night sleep overs at a trusted friend or close relative’s place they get an opportunity to sleep with someone other than the parents. 

One of the things that helps is to sleep with some object that gives them the feeling of being with their mumma. That is how teddy bear helps. I myself grew up holding a little plastic idol of baby Krishna close to me while sleeping and got lot more attached to it than parents. One can keep near the child some hankies or something that provides a kind of contact comfort of the mother. Children actually need that physical touch more than anything else. Even while helping them sleep one can keep caressing the head so that they feel the contact while slipping into sleep or tell a nice story so that the sound of the parent is there as they slip into sleep. In short anything that can temporarily serve as a mini substitute at the sensory level including a long pillow or teddy would be fine. 

Ultimately of course habit takes over if one persists firmly that the child sleeps alone. But it is best if, for sometime one of the parent, preferably the mother tells a story as the child is entering into sleep. Then you can get back to your room. This allows a helpful transition period making it smoother. 

Affectionately,

Alok Da