How to Be Strong in Dealing with Family Life. My sister-in-law is unhappy that we don’t talk to her proactively. I don’t find it natural to start conversations with her. My spiritual teacher helped her a lot in the past, but it backfired on her. When I was getting married, she advised me to keep my distance. She is 39, unmarried, and has childhood trauma related to her parents. I want to support her, but I feel drained in the process. She often complains that my husband and I don’t talk to her enough. I can feel her pain, but I don’t know how to support her in a healthy way😥 [conti]

Her psychologist has said that because of her childhood trauma, she is emotionally stuck at the age of 17, even though her actual age is 39. She wants everyone to pamper her like a child, and she avoids taking responsibility for household work, finances, emotions, and her physical health. I get impacted by her harsh words and complaints.

One should not try to help unless one is very clear about what is the real reason of her problem. Whatever be the past issues perhaps she feels lonely and hence wants to talk to someone and share her problems. But no one can be present always. She needs to engage her mind and stay busy in a healthy way. And yes she has to take charge of her life. 

So you do not have to feel obligated to do something for her nor feel guilty about not being able to give sufficient time. You can hear her out when she calls but the lesser advice is given the better it is. 

Affectionately,

Alok Da