However, another perspective is that if someone has children later in life, say at 40, by the time they turn 60, their child will only be 20. And on the other hand, those who have children earlier may feel more secure, knowing that by the time they reach 60, their child will be fully grown, independent, and able to support them. What do you think about these two perspective?
There is a reason why mother Nature has created certain mechanisms. There is a wisdom in her workings. A woman is ready to conceive by the time she is 18 and goes on having the eggs till about 40 or 45. We can see that there is a big range given. Most will be able to complete their studies and settle down in some work or meaningful activity between 25 to 30 or 35. It is interesting that human beings are the only species where women continue to live way beyond the menopause as if Nature herself has planned for her something more than merely having a child and rearing it up. For fulfilling this deeper intent of Nature the growing up of the child should ideally be over latest by the time a woman reaches 50. In other words the child should be at least 18 or 20, by the time she is 50 or so. Once the child has grown up then she and, the father as well, should ideally be ready to enter and engage into more meaningful and higher activities.
It is a deep understanding of this truth that ancient India had divided human life into four stages or ashramas, each with its own purushartha, labour. The first is preparation, studies, job etc. The second part is for marraige and child. The third part is exploring the higher meaning and purpose of life. The fourth is plunging fully into the ultimate Purpose of life. So you see to answer this question in the true way one has to look beyond the small picture of marraige, children, job, ambition etc to the larger purpose of man’s birth.
With this background we have to see things. It is absolutely true that nothing should be forced and a woman should have the complete freedom to decide if and when she chooses to get married and/or bear a child. But what we all must know is that there is an interconnectedness and even an interdependence of life. Our choices and decisions impact not only us but all who are connected with us closely. We can surely ignore all that and lead a life of complete independence where we consider only our advantages. But then we should be ready to pay the price. Probably we will find ourselves alone after sometime because we thought only about ourselves. In marraige it can lead to rupture or strain since child birth should ideally be a joint decision. And of course it is not at all easy to raise children. It requires a lot of emotional drain and physical running around which becomes progressively difficult after 45. From whatever point of view it is best if the child has been raised to adulthood by the time menopause sets in. That is a time to be free to explore, discover, dive deep into the sap of life rather than be city bound raising a child.
It is fine not having a child out of one’s choice but if one must have a baby, it is best to time out by 30 so that by the time, the child flies out of the nest, the mom is also ready to fly beyond the limited horizons of the mind.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
