The basis of holding families together should be mutual respect and love, acceptance of generational and other differences, above all truth that allows each individual to express one’s deepest truth. Traditions and customs don’t hold family together, they simply petrify it leaving no room for individual growth and thereby turning the society itself into a decadent shell from which the spirit escapes and only a mechanical, unthinking bondage remains, not a living organic unity. Maturity is about this wideness that accepts each other in their differences, allows freedom to make conscious choices and does not disown the one we love and care for just because they think or dress or eat differently. That may be the way of certain weak and narrow religions that feel secure only within rigid boundaries enforced by common belief and dogma. But the Sanatana Dharma has always allowed questioning of traditions. That is what made is so wide and strong. Our ancestors loved truth more than anything else. They were not people pleasers. That is what made them so fearless even in front of death because they valued Truth and Dharma above all the social niceties and formal conventions.
Traditions are like the outer body and the dress. The body changes as the soul within grows. The dress changes as the seasons change. There was a point when men the king was regarded as authority given by God. But that tradition is outdated now. There was a time, not long ago when parents and teachers were regarded as God. The times have changed and God is reclaiming Himself in every heart. That is why children who question authority and are courageous to face uncomfortable truths are being born. They are the Satyakama and Nachiketas of the future being prepared today. Children today defy authority but deeply respect authenticity. They want to understand and not follow things blindly for the sake of adhering to group norms. They revolt if things are imposed. That is why many of them are turning away from religion that binds with habit and custom but embracing spirituality that sets their soul free.
If questioning traditions and releasing the true spirit by breaking the outer mould is immaturity then much greater men, men of unquestionable wisdom such as Krishna, Buddha, Christ, Socrates, and many more including Lord Rama and Sita would be considered immature by the dubious standards of the average humanity.
Yes if the lady conforms, the parents will be happy, if she doesn’t but makes conscious choices both of them will evolve and grow.
One should not do things simply because it satisfies either the elders or the youngsters. One should not do things either because it satisfies tradition or because it satisfies fashion and modernity. Neither antiquity nor modernity lay a claim on Truth which demands a great deal of courage and honesty. One should do things because they are true and beautiful. Harmony cannot be built on the basis of falsehood and satisfaction of egos. The onus of adjustment does not lie on the young alone. Their task is not to look behind but to look towards the future. Besides one should focus on the spirit and the essentials more than on the externalities which are often used as a facade to hide falsehoods and cover up deep insincerities in the garb of outer goodness. The age of outer authority is over. It is the age of authenticity and truth. It has come already. Should we resist and delay it out of blind attachment to the past or move ahead with faith and courage that what is going to come will be better than whatever ever was in the past.
Of course this is how I look at it and perhaps many in today’s generation look at it. Each one however is free to follow what they consider to be true and right and beautiful. Social conformity has its own truth and some are made that way. For others individual choices, rational choices are more important. Some believe that the past is always good and whatever has to be known is already exhausted by those who came before us. Others believe that knowledge is infinite and the past can always be improved upon as we advance in thought and consciousness. Some are children of the past dawns that have left their sweet memories. Others feel the impulse of the future noons that are yet to arrive. To each his own journey. The only thing is that the following of traditions should not be a thing imposed. A tradition is helpful only if it is accepted freely by the individuals who adhere to it.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
