1. Am still struggling with guilt.
2. Till date I have been asking Mother to make this ok in a desperate way ( for yrs our relationship used to have ups and downs but was decently ok until 2 yrs. back but now he has severed all contacts with me but in close touch with other family members) because when my goal is the Divine—I should accept what happens in life and not ask for anything but the reality of the situation hurts me.
I have read that there is no karma once you come to Mother. May be I am not still ripe enough to let go of worldly desires and ask only for God…So ask Mother for something which pains me, not able to give him love, and not getting his love? (Son’s)
It’s kind of a love hate relationship, sometimes narcissistic towards me, (same happened with my husband too, we separated) and very dominating but he is ok with some people.
Sometimes I feel God is keeping me away from difficult relationship, so I can follow this path unhindered. At times I wonder if my fear of repeating abusive relationships is keeping me away from praying head on to Mother in the name of spirituality , don’t ask, no desires. I Am not able to be at peace without asking too.
Spiritually you are so much into Mother and a Psychiatrist, who else can I ask Bhaiya?
Guilt has no place in spiritual life. What is done is done. One cannot go back and change things. But we can surely learn our lessons from the past, grow conscious, accept the present circumstances and situations as part of the learning lesson and try to grow in Wisdom and feel the Divine Will in us.
Acceptance of things is one thing but it does not mean one cannot ask the Divine Mother for Her Grace for oneself and others or for better circumstances. Yet while we ask we should trust the Divine Wisdom that knows better than us as to what is best ultimately for each one. As to the pain of being unable to mend things, you can always pray for your son, perhaps write the prayers, give him your love silently, confide all you are going through with the Mother and then wait. Nothing stays forever except what is fixed in and by the Divine Will.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
