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Dr. Alok Pandey
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AT THE FEET OF THE MOTHER
Ask Alok da

Me and my wife used to fight a lot on various things….we went through this phase for more than 4-5 years. Two major points of our fights was (1) me not being straightforward in my communication and actions (2) Me not being like her father. We went through therapy and a lot of hard times to get through that phase and now we are kind of over it. Now she blames me for being too straight forward and being too much like her dad. Please advice what should I do…..I can’t go back to being to old person I was😬?

Instead of trying to be what your wife or someone else would want you to be, try to discover what you are and want to be. Find your goal and concentrate upon it. One can never be what someone else wants us to be. To learn to accept each other the way we are, to love each other in the best part, to allow each other space and freedom for self discovery yet to be there for each other’s every spiritual, psychological or material need is the secret of a happy marriage. To try to change the partner is the road to ruin it. Marriage is built on mutual respect and sacrifice, not on tailoring the other person to fit into one’s own idea of what the other person should be. Such an expectation is a non-starter.

Affectionately,

Alok Da

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Alok da, You get many questions over here regarding dreams. I am always bit perplexed on the question whether one should even bother with them and be conscious of them and note them down or utterly not bother and be ignorant of them? What’s their place in practice of this yoga? I remember reading a little bit of the western psychological theory about dreams activating those contents which we were avoiding and should be doing consciously in our wakeful life, for example there was this case of a woman who was continuously dreaming of a woman who was a living a wandering adventurous life but she in her actual life was living a life of infantile dependence on her parents and not having the adventurous courage of launching herself into the uncertain challenges of life. How true is this observation?

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Dreams are a large chunk of our life given the time we spend in dreaming. Hence a study of dreams, and eventually becoming conscious of them and mastering them is surely something gained and won back from the realms of the unconscious…

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