It breaks me, and I want to expose the other person anyhow (especially if the person is a near and dear one). As I have the conviction that he /she is lying. I stay in a condition of “a burnt child that dreads fire” and “once a liar, always a liar”. I stop trusting that person and become anxious and disturbed. I start doubting and when my doubt proves right, it hurts a lot. Why do people cheat and hide? How to come out of this pain of being lied to? How to know the truth?
People tell lies because they fear being misunderstood. They hide because they value your love and do not want to hurt you and, at the same time, they also value the person whom they love and would not want to lose him or her. The paradox, however, is that the more you try to hold the person you love in a tight grip with the play of jealousy and possessiveness, the more he is likely to move farther from you. Love blossoms best in wideness. You should trust your love and know that if you truly love someone, the person will never be lost or go away anywhere, even if you set them free. But the more tightly you hold, the more he is likely to slip away.
So don’t fill your mind with fears and suspicions, even if true, as it will only put you in an unhappy state either way. It is impossible to convince oneself about the other person, once the bug of suspicion begins to bite. It only makes life more and more miserable for both. If you feel that the person is not being faithful, then the best is to take one of the two recourses. Either one should move on, which of course means an initial suffering, but peace in the long run. Or else to accept that probably the person loves both, yourself and the other person, at the same time, though in different ways and at different levels. Exclusive love and complete fidelity are extremely rare in human beings. It is just that it remains undiscovered in most because it does not much disturb the basic fabric of your relationship. As long as it is kept intact, it is best not to try probing too much, expecting the impossible from the average human nature.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
