Before coming to the Mother, I used to give my everything to my friends around me even at the expense of myself. However, I always have given my all to these friends, and yet when I needed them most, the majority were not there for me. The girl I considered my best friend literally does nothing for me, even on my birthday. For a while I thought that it was because she just didn’t know how to express but yet she does so much for my other friends. So clearly she can but she doesn’t want to for me. This broke my heart. I know expectations spoil love, and I need to purify it, but it’s still hurtful to see. Now some new friends are slowly coming into my life, but my closest friends in the past are those whom have hurt me quite hard a few times and now I just don’t even see the point in making new friends. For me, Mother, Sri Aurobindo and my sister give me all the friendship I need. But even in the Ashram, there were beautiful friendships. But now 😔

Since coming to the Mother I still love my friends, but I have prioritised myself more and I guess I’ve become “less fun” in the worldly sense. I don’t like talking much anymore, I don’t really message anybody, I tend to spend more time alone. However, if I do see them, it is very sweet and I try to make time for them whenever I feel like spending time with them.

I don’t know whether I’ve become selfish, and they are also beginning to leave me out of many things. These girls have been my friends since 2020, and I had desires of going to their weddings, adult friendships etc. But slowly as I come to the end of my college journey these friendships are breaking.

Anyways, I’m distancing partly because of that and mostly because right now I feel my aspiration stronger than ever, and an even stronger pull of purification. I much prefer being alone and reading, painting, writing, studying, exercising etc

But if one does not even have a few close friends, then surely one is doing something wrong ? I don’t know why it is so easy for everybody to take the love I give, but so hard to just give basic courtesy in return?

The urge to be alone, the dropping off of old friends, the inner distancing from old ties, the new preferences indicating progress in different dimensions of our being, the distaste for the old ways such as weddings, parties, family get-togethers are all very good sign of the emerging spiritual life. This budding new life needs to be cared and nurtured as one does to a newborn child. It is indeed a new birth and this new born spirituality needs to be nourished through the reading of spiritually uplifting literature, contemplation on the Divine, taking the Divine Name, offering of one’s actions to the Divine, the cultivation of nishkama karma and equanimity.

Don’t worry about friends and what people would think of you. Most human beings do not understand the true spiritual life which to them is little more than ritual prayers and some practice of meditation. To try to fit yourself into that life either for friendship or old times sake will not be possible and if forced upon will stifle the developing spiritual urge and the most important need of your soul.

As to friends, if needed, the Divine will arrange them, those who are in sync with your aspiration. But is not the Divine the best friend forever. Once the bond of friendship develops with the Divine then all else begins to pale. Yes, one need not artificially cut off oneself but the inner values do change and should change due to the new soul factor entering your life. This is a good change, a leap towards the future and all that is needed is gratitude and an increasing aspiration, sincerity and surrender to the Divine Mother.

Affectionately,

Alok Da