I also had to undergo a gall bladder surgery in July, which I did. I had to really calm myself down with prayer to the Mother, meditation and pranayama before and after the surgery.
My questions are: 1. Why am I feeling so much fear and anxiety?
2. Why am I not feeling inspired, and the lack of force to do the work I feel is what I’ve come to do?
3. Should I wait and let the work come about, or push through doing what I think I have to?
4. Am I not aligned to Mother and open to her love and force?
The fear and anxiety are due to habit. They have been kind of inherited. What is needed is growing faith and complete surrender. These phases come to everybody when work gets disrupted. One has to simply wait for them to pass off. They are like storms. When the storm arises, then one does not move outside but stays inside the rooms. So too when these storms come, one should try to go within oneself and make one’s contact with the Divine Mother deeper and more stable. Aligning with the Divine Mother is a lifelong work. But meanwhile, one can read, contemplate, do something other than what one was doing, or just keep the status quo of the work one is engaged in and, wait for the inspiration. It will come as the energy of anxiety and fear will move away, not getting support or attention from you.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
