Until now, I had such thoughts only before sleeping, but throughout the day, I wouldn’t have those thoughts, and I never had a crush on or loved a person in the way that I would view for marriage. I never wanted to get married or indulge in sexual activity.
But now, as I’ve reached a certain age and faced family pressure, they want me to get married. For quite some time, my thoughts have been centered on what it will be like to be married.
So help me understand, what should I do?
Sexual thoughts are one thing, and marriage is quite another. Sexual thoughts are not about right or wrong. They are natural and normal. But as human beings are not meant to be driven by instincts as animals are, they become right or wrong depending upon the standard of conduct that one follows, which differs from one culture to another, and the context, the driving motive behind it. Sex for sensory vital pleasure is different from sex that is part of a deep emotional bond. Whatever it be, it can become a big obstacle to the spiritual aspirant if indulged freely in act or imagination. Then it absorbs a lot of vital energies, throws them out fitfully, and keeps the consciousness tied to the level of sensual pleasures.
Now, many people in the old school of thought believed that marriage is a solution to sexual thoughts. To an extent, it does work if one can remain steady with one partner. Then one gradually weakens it through regulation and moderation. But the problem is that marriage comes with a heavy price and a heavy risk. If it fails or doesn’t work, then it can itself create an obstacle on the spiritual path. Especially when the demands and size of the family grow.
The ideal solution is a steady companionship with someone with whom one feels an inner affinity and shares the inmost aspiration. All other solutions, such as marriage or free indulgence, are simply playing around with fire, or like the remedy that is worse than the problem itself.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
