In addition to my own mental health struggles, I have picked up a lot of the habits I’ve seen growing up — including angry outbursts — and while my dad and sister seem to have accepted the dynamic somewhat, I have a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that Mom and the past will never change and my feelings come out as rage and the guilt that follows often. What do I do? I know I can’t make excuses for my own behavior as an adult, and I try to control anger, but I am also perpetually triggered, feel misunderstood, and don’t know how to be happy and confident in life. Am I the wrong one? Or am I the one who needs healing?
The problems originating in the past are not solved by returning to the past, especially with our present state of ignorance. Trying to resolve it by analysing by the mind often drags us into into endless morass of guilt, depression, shame, and self-blame. Blaming others equally does not help. It opens the doors to adverse forces that make things worse. This is what seems to be happening.
Instead, one should turn towards the future. Taking the lessons from the past, one should walk towards the future with faith in the Grace. Find a meaningful goal and set your feet towards it. Leave the past behind and surge towards the future. This is the cure.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
