Sri Aurobindo and The Mother have allowed a great degree of freedom in the Ashram. Transforming friendship and human relationship are part of the work but it is only possible if one shifts the basis from the ego based to the spiritual seeking based, bonds of desire and mutual seeking for pleasure to the deeper psychic basis. Knowing that it is not easy They, in their infinite compassion and love allowed enough room and freedom to grow through the shades of human relationship towards the true joining of soul to soul. What it means is that human relationship should not become a cause of veiling of the Divine Presence, or its baggage of sexual desires, mutual satisfactions, followed by anger, jealousy and quarrels dampen the fire of aspiration, especially when it is still weak. Two people coming together should be a support for each other’s progress and not a hindrance. All this is not easy as the human mind easily deceives itself and gives a neat justification for everything. Hence some make it a rule not to engage in any kind of relation, though most of them continue to be attached to the family. Others whose nature is more expansive go through the whole gamut of experiences as one would in the world. To each his own unique journey, unique difficulties and challenges as well as possibilities. Knowing that human nature is not made up of one piece nor of one uniform standard pattern, Sri Aurobindo and The Mother refused to make any general standard rules for one and all. This is one of the unique aspects of this Ashram that allows a great degree of freedom and a large margin of error to grow through one’s outer and inner experiences. Of course there are some strict moralists who try to narrow down life to a few fixed formulas. Often these people carry those very tendencies within them that they are quick to condemn in others. The world is a mirror, as the Mother says, and we see our own reflection in others.
Well, people bring their own ideas into the Yoga and start speaking as the Divine spokesperson while they don’t even know what their aspiration is and why they are here. They cannot understand even the basic difference between moral, ethical, religious, social and the spiritual life. They are best left to their ideas, especially moral, self-righteous people who believe in their superior virtue are the most difficult to reorient to the true spiritual life. They believe that they are already great because they follow a set of moral rules. Only Her Grace can change them.
As to sin and some people here condemning a woman because she had a relationship with a man, the Mother writes the following.
‘ Sin belongs to the world and not to yoga.’
‘Take, for example, a person who has friends, whose friends are very fond of her because they see special capacities in her, because it is pleasant to be in her company, one can always learn from her. Then all of a sudden, by a concurrence of circumstances, this person is shunned by society because she has been with another man or because she is living with someone else without being officially married, in short, because of all these social things which have no value in themselves. And all her friends—I am not speaking of those who truly loved her—all her acquaintances, all those who received her kindly, who welcomed her and greeted her with a warm smile when they met her in the street, now turn their heads the other way and walk right past her without a glance—this has happened even here in the Ashram! I do not want to give any details, but anyway, several times something happened which contravened accepted social laws, and people who had shown so much affection and sympathy—oh, they would sometimes say, “This person is lost!”
When such things happen in the world at large, I find it quite natural, but when it happens here, I always get a little shock , in the sense that I say to myself: “Well, well, they haven’t gone beyond that!”
Even people who profess to be broad-minded, to be above all these “conventions”, fall straight into the trap, immediately. Then to protect their conscience, they say: “Mother does not allow it. Mother does not permit it. Mother does not tolerate it!”—adding one more stupidity to all the others.
It is very difficult to get out of this state. This is truly self-righteousness, this sense of social dignity. But it is narrow-mindedness, because a person with a little intelligence is not going to be caught out by something like that. For example, people who have travelled the world and seen that all these social rules depend entirely on climate, race, custom, and even more on time and period, can smile at all that. But right-minded people—phew!
It is an elementary stage. Until you come out of this state you are unfit for yoga. Because, truly, you are not ready for yoga when you are in that state. It is a rudimentary state.’
I have elaborated it to clarify. What we need to understand is that there are no yes or no answers in real life, whether here or elsewhere. What is important individually is never allow anything to come between oneself and the goal one has chosen and for which one has come here. Secondly whatever transpires in our individual life must not disturb or vitiate the collective life here. Rest is a question of individual journey, choices and pathways of progress through curves of destiny.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
