But now, as I’m slowly stepping more fully into my own adulthood, the clarity I once felt is no longer there strongly. When I close my eyes and imagine holding a child, it feels beautiful—to give love, to nurture. It feels sun’s light. At the same time, I feel a strong aspiration to offer conscious work in the field of health and healing. That work feels deeply important to me, and I wonder: will I be able to hold both paths with presence?
I notice fear and doubt inside me—about whether I have the strength, the capacity, to raise a child. A part of me feels unsure. I don’t want to make this decision out of fear, nor by ignoring a true call.
Last week, while discussing parenting with my husband, I realised I had an ideal atmosphere for a kid to be raised that I was aspiring for. Whereas parents, we are bringing more consciousness and expanding our capacities to raise a Kid. Alone, it will be difficult until both partners are ready for this journey. Listening to his perspective made me feel fearful, and I ended up getting my period early, after just 17 days. This happened twice; otherwise, my cycles were so regular till now and painless. This time it was painful.
We don’t have much physical relationship, but last night, I don’t know, in a dream, I saw my partner and genitals, quite strange. He forgot to close his zip and was embarrassed.
For me, raising a kid is a sacred conscious process, which starts before conceiving… I don’t have knowledge or guidance, and there is an age pressure from family and science.
It is surely possible to do both, raise a beautiful child as well as pursue your ideal in the field of health and healing. But yes both partners should be ready, physically and emotionally, as bringing up a child should be a joint venture. I don’t see any cause for doubt or fear except that the decision should be taken early as it becomes a little risky after 35. Discuss with your husband and if you both feel happy about the idea and ready to share the joy and the challenges together then there is no reason to delay it out of unwarranted fears.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
