I had liked another man, Mr. S. V., for 3 years, which went in circles and I had called it off a year back because he did not seem to be ready/ interested to take things forward with me. Several things upset me about his attitude, integrity and lack of involvement with me, but I was still drawn to him and liked him enough to want to marry him. And I had prayed at every step for God to show me the right way and make whatever is good for me happen. I wanted to grow with him and help him grow. And it unfortunately just didn’t move forward, no matter how much I tried and worked on being a better person and plug my issue areas – because that’s all that I can do from my side. I took it as a sign from the Mother that maybe it was not meant to be – I have had a lot of questions about it, but ultimately keep telling myself that it’s probably the best for me.
Now, after that whole thing, I’m so broken that I don’t know if and why I should marry and what God really wants for me. I feel very lost about my place and purpose in this world. I’m unable to feel any emotions towards these guys that I’m talking to – one of them seems to be perfect in many ways and more responsible than Mr. S. V., and I really don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I feel utterly lost and anxious and don’t understand what my life is about, my purpose, my path, or if and why I should be marrying and having kids. There isn’t a day that I don’t pray for clarity, help, and a solution. Can you please help me?
I think you are mixing several things, especially two very different things. The first and most important is what you should do with your life. In other words, what is your aim, the purpose of your life. There is a place for everyone, a place that we alone can occupy, but to find that place, we must find the purpose. In a general sense, the purpose of life is to grow and progress, to pursue excellence and strive towards perfection in whatever we do. This urge for progress gives a meaning to life as well as the joy of life. Whatever does not progress begins to stagnate, dry up or disintegrate. It is effort and striving that gives joy and not wanting and having. Until one can find one’s own purpose, one should always make an effort to find the purpose of life itself, its truth, the truth of oneself, of God, of the world. One can start this quest by reading books of wisdom that help us understand life and the world better.
As to relationship, marraige etc., it is a different issue. There is nothing like a perfect partner or perfect relationship. One has to build it together through mutual understanding, sacrifice and progress together. It doesn’t much matter who the person is. What matters is the attitude and the reason for which one wants to get married. Obviously, to want happiness through marriage, or for that matter, anything, is a vain chimera. Happiness is to be found within, is the verdict of all who have discovered it. Marriage is to support each other in this pursuit as well as to take care of the practical aspects of life. Not all need it, and in any case, it is not the most important thing in life.
First and foremost, find your goal. All the rest follows later. 🔥
Affectionately,
Alok Da
