My parents are unhappy with me being alone my whole life to find the Truth. The Mother and Sri Aurobindo are preparing me for what work? Why aren’t They telling me in my dreams that this is where you need to walk? I will leave every other work on the same day and follow in Their footsteps. I know that Spiritual Life is the only solution for me, and I want to give my full efforts to it in this Birth. I do want to find the Divine, but I also have these obstacles in front of me. I have a fear of how I will manage myself when I’m alone at an old age. This means my Faith in the Divine is not strong enough. One part of me is saying if you live a worldly life, then your parents will be happy, and you won’t have any future insecurities. The other side is saying, Be strong and jump into the spiritual life. Say that whatever God throws at me, I will face it. Otherwise, you will be born again as ignorant and again you have to go through this whole phenomenon. I am pulled by the Divine side more, but my parents are not happy with it.
I don’t know what to do. My courage is being tested here. My faith is being tested here. Apart from the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, there is no one in my life. They are my bridge to find Krishna within me. Equanimity, Surrender, Aspiration, Gratitude, Devotion for the Mother and Krishna are the only emotions running inside me. If I get married, then my Spiritual Progress will stop right there. Can you guide me a little, how I should move ahead?
The Divine leads, guides, calls; he does not push or force unless absolutely indispensable for a special work. There is an intrinsic freedom of choice given to everyone.
Besides, as Sri Aurobindo once mentioned that he does not give explicit orders to do this or not do this in a direct imperative way. It is because if a person disobeys the Divine Command, the spiritual consequences could be serious. And the human mind can give many an explanation and justification for the experience.
Until the imperative call comes, it is perhaps best to prepare yourself inwardly by developing the attitudes and qualities needed for the spiritual life, reading the works of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, doing some meditation every day, seeking God’s purpose in you, Remembering Her as often as you can and offering your daily activities to Her.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
