My parents say that reading Sri Aurobindo and the Mother’s books and listening to the talks, is pointless if I don’t prioritize them. They taunt me, insisting that if I don’t put my family first, everything I’m doing is meaningless. They believe there is a certain age for engaging in such things and feel that, despite all my reading and listening, my nature hasn’t changed, they criticize me by saying this. They question the purpose of it all. Deep inside, I know I am progressing in some way, but as parents, they remind me that I haven’t taken sanyas and can still take care of the family. I do that, but they want to control my life and expect me to follow their way completely. They say is that what they teach you in books and ashram 😥

This is an old outdated way of thinking that the main work of a child is support the family, look after the parents and to somehow fulfil their unrealized dreams. This tendency has been one of the big stumbling blocks in India’s progress. Yes one should take care of one’s loved ones when needed, there should also be goodwill for all, but as far as life is concerned one has to lead it the way one feels deep within oneself. The only exception is if one’s choice of the way of life is going to harm oneself or directed towards wilfully injuring others, though the latter is also justified when done in just self defence. It is not about how much one is changing but the fundamental right to grow along one’s line even if it is growth in terms of intellectual understanding or a deep inner connectedness to an ideal or to God. 

Besides what do we mean by change? Nobody should or even change oneself to suit anyone else’s ideal. If that was the way, then Sri Krishna’s advice to Arjuna to stand against his grandsire, teachers and brothers was a wrong advice! He should have rather adviced him to take sannyas or be in the service of elders of the family. Similarly Rama should have insisted that Vibhisana and Sugriva should take care of their elder brother, Hanuman go back to his parents, and Sita not accompany him to the forest. In any case change of outer nature and its reactions is the last to come and sometimes may not happen in one life. Should one therefore avandon the ideal? It is obviously an absurd proposition to abandon an ideal because it is not immediately practicable and takes long and patient effort to be realised. It is this attitude that leaves the average humanity to mediocrity, a life centered around food, family and money. The parents may not understand all this but you should be clear and go ahead towards the future pointed by your own deeper calling regardless of the opinion of others including that of the loved ones.

Affectionately,

Alok Da