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Dr. Alok Pandey
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AT THE FEET OF THE MOTHER
Ask Alok da

Some friends always expect you to be available for them, but when you need them, they are nowhere to be found. They dump their problems on you without even asking about yours. Conversations with them revolve entirely around their lives, and if you try to share something, they cut you off and steer the talk back to themselves. They take you for granted, disappearing for long periods only to show up out of the blue, expecting you to act as if everything is fine. One day, they’re full of affection, and the next, they act like you don’t exist. How to deal with such people🙄? Are they even worth calling friends?

True friends are indeed very rare like the pearl inside a shell. The sign of a true friend is that he or she loves you in your best part but lets you be yourself. The sign of true friendship is that you can be yourself and not expect to be judged or dragged to lower things. A true friend is always there with you in good and bad times, willing to share your burden gladly and ready to help if needed. He counsels you when you need it but doesn’t take offence if you do not accept the advice. He loves you as he loves his own self and stands by you even if the world opposes you. A true friend never abandons but leaves you free if you choose to move away. Taking for granted is alright as long as you are also allowed to reciprocate the same way.

So you see how very rare is true friendship. Especially one should be careful of friends who seek company to fill their loneliness or want you to accompany them in all kinds of activities that drag us down or whose friendship depends upon how much you can spend for them. Stay away from such friends as they are more harmful than enemies.

At your age it is very rare to find true friends because the personality and interests are changing. One has to accept this as an inevitable process of growth and self discovery. A few good friends are of much more value than a number of friends who are selfish and seek self interest through friendship.

Affectionately,

Alok Da

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Da, whenever I see some incident or read something, thoughts come to my mind and I feel like telling people about it. Like yesterday was Vat Savitri Purnima—I saw in the market that small branches of the banyan tree were being sold, and women were buying them and doing puja with them. Then I started thinking, how can we worship the banyan tree after breaking it? I started wondering about the real meaning behind it—it doesn’t seem right. After all these thoughts, I felt like writing about it and posting it on WhatsApp status, but then I didn’t. These kinds of thoughts keep coming to me, and I feel like sharing them with others, but when I try to write, I stop. So I end up telling Mummy, Didi, or Kunal. But Alok da, how should I write or tell people—or should I not say anything? Then I worry people might misunderstand and think I’m criticizing tradition. Like breaking the banyan tree might become a ritual and the true meaning of Vat Savitri Purnima could be lost or misunderstood. Alok da, I keep getting such thoughts on different topics, that something should be this way or that way, but I can’t put them into words. So how do I express these thoughts or feelings—or is it okay if I don’t? But if someone talks about the same topic at the time, I do speak up. I just can’t write it. And one more thing—when it was my parents’ birthday, I thought I would write a WhatsApp status expressing my feelings for them, but in the end I only wrote ‘Happy birthday, Divine bless you, love you.’ I couldn’t write or even say my true feelings in front of them. So how should I express my thoughts and emotions? Or is it okay if I don’t?

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