However, at certain points, I become quite externalised and then feel a tremendous pain coming out of touch with this Inner Quietude and then I have to sit and concentrate to regain it. It comes back quicker each time, is what I’ve noticed, but is it ok to avoid certain people, situations, and interactions if it causes me to become so externalised?
I don’t want to be Ascetic, but then I also don’t feel like, frankly, that I’m at the point where I can just do whatever and not lose that Inner Peace and Joy from the Mother. I still feel like it’s in the beginning, fragile stage.
I’m not saying I’m going to run away to a forest and not do anything but I much prefer being alone most of the time with small accent strokes of socialisation here and there – that too with specific people. My heart and mind feel intensely concentrated on the Mother and my mind dwells on Her and contemplating trivial questions, reflecting, reading, writing, recording, etc. Doing these things feels like the most joyous way to spend my time, and the most useful.
But sometimes I confine myself to social pressure to attend events, hang out with friends and sometimes it just saps me of my energy as I feel it doesn’t align with my focus and goal. As I said, it also greatly externalises me and I just can’t bear the pain of losing this Inner Peace and Quietude and it disorients me till I concentrate on the heart again and call ‘Maa Maa Maa Maa’. When it comes back, then I feel I can breathe. Without It, I feel so sad, and to me, nothing is worth giving that up for.
So my question is – is it ok to take outer measures to protect this Inner until it is more solidified and one day I can mix, and do whatever I wish without losing this contact? Or, do I just keep doing everything as it is and accepting that the contact will come and go?
It is certainly important to guard these precious treasures that are gifts of the Divine Grace, more important than guardian material treasures. Don’t we safeguard precious things from thieves and robbers? It is not out of attachment to these things but as part of care, so that they should remain where they are meant to be. Practicing Yoga in life certainly does not mean freely mixing with all kinds of people in the name of social expectations. It is just the same as one would avoid a person with a heavily contagious disease unless one is involved in its treatment, or as one would avoid eating a poisonous food, though served by someone known, or as one would stay away from snakes even though God dwells in them as well. Similarly, whether in yoga or even in worldly life, one should be careful about the company one keeps. Especially so when the inner life is developing, as one runs the risk of losing in a few hours what one has gained through months.
When certain meetings and contacts are unavoidable, it is best to keep them to the surface, stay inwardly detached and practice equanimity rather than throwing oneself out in animated discussions and other forms of excitement that humanity often mistakes for joy. One should be especially careful of close contacts, hugs and touches, as is unfortunately the norm these days, as it opens doors to a swift downloading of each other’s energies.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
