I got divorced from my ex- husband, and then got engaged with my fiancee and also had a breakup with him. He called off our wedding on the wedding day, due to which I completely went into the shock . I am not able to eat and sleep properly. Though I try to keep myself active but unable to control my thoughts and feelings. Now, I have trust issues, and also have fear and insecurities within me, please help me to come out of the situation.

Asked by a 33-year old.

I can understand your situation. Perhaps there was not sufficient time between the first marriage and the second engagement leaving unresolved issues and emotional hurt. It is important to clear the past baggage, especially the emotional aspects before going for another relationship. It may help to see a counselor with whom you can share the details and with whose help one can look at everything objectively and be better equipped for the future.

Remarriage, typically work best after 40 so don’t rush through things, give yourself time to settle down and reflect. Be not afraid of being alone as a bad marriage or a marriage of compromise is much worse than being single and alone. Meanwhile get busy and discover your social network based on your unique affiliations. Make friends and enjoy your freedom and independence. 

Affectionately,

Alok Da