I have met a person 4 years back and he was a complete stranger to me But it felt like I had already know him, his face is known to me he often comes to my work place but we never talked only eye contact and than I left that place later that year and moved to another place but I was not happy, I might have missed him and suddenly I got his request on insta and we started chattin, he also felt the same . I knew that he drank but still I fell in love with him. Everything was going right, after a year we met at a mall for 30 mins, again we started talking we never had fights for 1.5 years but relation was on and off, he was not serious but after that he proposed me for marriage and than our fights started because I wanted him to quit his drinking habits and he assured me he will if we get married but slowly our fights increased and he abused me verbally on call, I was shattered as he had never disrespect me ever thus the relationship broke and we were not talking for 1.5 months. Then again we started talking, he realised his mistake and again we convinced our family for engagement and got engaged last year, he also trying to give up his drinking habit but I don’t know what happened and the fights increased and one day I broke that engagement but now I am feeling that I made, a mistake as I love him. I know that he loves me, he tattooed my name on his wrist and I should be with him and take care of him so that he would give up his drinking habit and we will be happy . I don’t know what to do? And now I can’t love anyone else😪.
It is better to be safe than sorry later on. What you experienced is not love but some kind of vital affinity leading to a mutual attraction. It is not at all a sufficiently strong basis for a lasting relationship. Such affinities makes the vital in us move towards each other but as one gets closer the ego begins to rub badly and the relationship breaks down. In any case alcohol is a wrong starter and one who is showing even early signs of addiction is moving towards ruin. To believe your love can change him is too idealistic but very unlikely to work.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
Follow up question: Should i remain in contact with him or not I want to know if he is trying to give up his drinking habbit
Ans: It is best to come out of this relationship even if stepping out is bit painful. Alcoholism tendency (not social drinking which is occasional in a social gathering) generally indicates serious personality flaws such as emotional instability, dependency and obsessive traits etc and generally chances of improvement is poor, often a long drawn battle that is very taxing and exacting. Helping someone with an alcohol problem as a friend is one thing whereas decision to take a lifelong burden is quite another. So even if he promises to give up and even shows signs of giving up, wisdom suggests that you should not enter into a long term committed relationship. It is not your responsibility to ensure he quits alcohol, in fact those who quit do not need someone else as an excuse to quit. Best to cut off the contact and move forward.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
Follow up question: I agree with you i will try my best not to male any contact with him , but in my whole life i have lived only one person and its him and there are. a lot pressure from my family to marry as age is late 20 ‘s and I right now i cant see anyone in his place or may be I don’t want to see anyone else.
Ans: Late 20’s is not so late. Love is one thing and marriage is quite another. It is not unusual that love passes away after sometime from the human heart. It is not because there is anything wrong in love. It is a beautiful thing for love to happen and even more beautiful for love to live forever. Such indeed should be the ideal but humanity is not yet fully equipped to live this ideal.
One way is to take a break for 6 months as staying near him will only drag you more and more into confusion. Marriage should never be entered into with a hesitating mind because unlike job and other decisions this is not easily reversible. Think 10 times before embarking on this venture where the first signs are not so promising. Whether you find someone else or not (though I am sure that will not be the case) is speculation but here you can almost see not a happy future. Perhaps it is the Grace showing you in a timely way before the damage takes place.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
