What are your thoughts on the term “self-love,” which has become quite popular these days? It emphasizes loving yourself unconditionally, knowing your value, prioritizing yourself over others, recognizing your worth, and accepting your flaws. Personally, I find it to be somewhat selfish and self-centered. How can we better understand this concept, if it truly has any deeper significance?

There are two sides to this concept. To have a healthy acceptance of oneself, of one’s physical being and psychological personality, the way one looks and the habits and tendencies one has is helpful and certainly better than lamenting and complaining. But this healthy acceptance should not change into complacency and reluctance to change. It should be a starting point to develop and grow along lines that our deepest truth indicates. All that it means is not to pay much attention to what others think, say or want you to look like and be but to be your own highest self, your best version. Starting with self-acceptance one grows towards self-exceeding. 

However there is another kind of self-love where one thinks first about oneself, one’s own preferences and desires and cares little about others and their normal genuine expectations and valid needs. This self-love is actually selfishness and makes one narrow as well as worse than what one is. This is where one needs to be very careful as it is harmful for oneself as well as others. 

Affectionately,

Alok Da