But often we see that children are not growing as a responsible person, they are highly disorganised as they think things will be done for them , they turn a deaf ear to what you say , etc etc β¦
In such a case is it not important for a parent to enforce some rules for the family β¦ and sometimes in case of a very stubborn vital , these can be said to be applied insensitively…Balancing discipline with love is sometimes a tough game!!Β
Love has nothing to do with letting anybody do anything they like including harm themselves and others. Love means, in this context at least, doing what would help the child best to blossom into a happy, noble, healthy adult capable of leading a beautiful, harmonious life. It means bringing out the best within a child. Love never means letting children do whatever they like, letting them have their way, or buying them expensive gifts etc. These false ideas of love has developed because both parents remain busy earning money and hence they have neither the time nor the will to engage with children of participate actively in their upbringing. They simply want to see them succeed in their studies and career and earn good money and achieve success in life. There is hardly any focus on developing character. Or else there are parents who don’t worry about the earning etc since they have wealth but they do not have time and energy to help the child. It is laziness and lack of interest that often passes off as love.
A child needs direction and discipline, at least till he is grown up enough to take decisions consciously. Generally this process of independence starts around 15 and goes on till 21 or, in some till 25. By then the strong foundations are laid. Until then certain boundaries, time management, healthy habits, studies and play balance, certain degree of mastery over speech and actions have to be inculcated. This is best done by example or subtle influence of the parents. Disciplining never means becoming harsh, angry, or physical punishment as these things do scar the child who then becomes either submissive or defiant. The method of disciplining is to appeal to the best part of the child as well as teach him to reason. And this is very much consistent with love, in fact often an aspect and expression of it. For while it is easy to let a child do whatever he wants or at another extreme make his choices, it is far more difficult to help him understand and teach him to choose rightly. To do so is very much an act of love and leading him towards freedom through self discipline is very much a part of it.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
