This happens to many, though its manifestations are different. It happens when the consciousness is narrow and the vital especially small. It then tends to become possessive of the nearest and dearest one. It reacts habitually in the same manner towards the Divine, almost afraid of losing the nearness and the closeness if there are more people who come near. Sometimes it tries to handle this by playing the role of a mediator. It is almost like the priest who allows the devotee to come near him but does not give him free access to the sanctum sanctorum lest he loses his own importance. Its other form is the feeling of being an elite, a special, privileged person chosen by the Divine as the special recipient of Her Grace. On the other hand, if the vital is large and strong, if one feels secure in one’s love, then one rather feels happy to share one’s own liberty and joy by bringing everyone closer to the Divine and sharing the Grace bestowed upon him. Needless to say that the Divine accepts it all, smiles at our childishness, and widens and strengthens our devotion so that no more feels limited to physical contact and does not appropriate the Divine for oneself as if He is meant only for us or for a chosen few.
Keep growing in devotion and faith, and Her touch of Grace will liberate you from all narrowness and jealousy and possessiveness in this and every other relation.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
