Many people go through heartbreak, depression, and deep suffering because of this. Even when we understand that only the Divine can truly transform everything, we still find ourselves deeply caught in these emotions.
The more we try to forget, the more the memories seem to return. Even those who are on a spiritual path and receive guidance sometimes continue to experience intense pain. It is not always about a strong desire for something; often it is the memory that keeps echoing within the heart.
I would sincerely value your insight on this. Why does the heart hold on so strongly, and how can one rise above such pain?
Yes, the very same memories that help connect the dots of life become a source of pain when the heart-strings are snapped suddenly. The root cause of this suffering is attachment. We begin to depend upon the person whom we love for our joys rather than discover the source of inner joy within us. It is only when the outer support is taken away by destiny that we have a chance of either turning within to discover the very source of all strength and joy within us or else we turn elsewhere outward to replenish the drying wells of life. This turning outwards is not necessarily another person but work and activities where we can turn our emotions and passions. These are the two recourses before us, to turn the emotions and passions towards new fields of discovery, some new activity or work that would engage the emotions and passions. Or else to turn them inwards towards the Divine. Otherwise the pain keeps chasing us because the emotions do not get any return from the object of love anymore. Some universalise their love by giving time and energy to fulfil dreams of the loved one. One can also internalise the memory, keeping its most beautiful parts as treasures granted by life turning these treasures into gains propeling us towards a greater future. These are the courses open before us. But to linger with the past that will not return is certainly not the best of ways to deal with the loss. It is only going to bring pain and a sense of helplessness. Our face should always be turned towards the future with complete trust in the Grace that if something has been taken away from our life there is an even better life that has been planned out for us. But for that we need to stop looking at the closed door and turn towards doors opening before us. Of course people can never be replaced but then it is also true that the only true and lasting permanent relation is with the Divine. All else is a temporary fading appearance. And while we have to engage with life we should never forget this fundamental truth of life beautifully described in this letter of Sri Aurobindo.
‘It is the lesson of life that always in this world everything fails a man—only the Divine does not fail him, if he turns entirely to the Divine. It is not because there is something bad in you that blows fall on you—blows fall on all human beings because they are full of desire for things that cannot last and they lose them or, even if they get, it brings disappointment and cannot satisfy them. To turn to the Divine is the only truth in life.’
21 April 1933
Perhaps it is the call of destiny to turn towards the True, the lasting, the Permanent, the Eternal. Your loved one has been taken away so that you can discover the only true and permanent Love, the Love Divine.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
