It is the sense of loss that torments us in a breakup. We naturally get attached to all that nourishes or nurtures us in some way. Relationships are meant to nurture and nourish our emotional being. So when it is suddenly taken away from us it is like removing oxygen or food, the chief support, the energy that our emotions need for their development. The heart feels suddenly deprived. At first it reacts with anger as one does when any desire is deprived. Then deprived of energy it becomes dull, dry, depressed. Later, as it picks up some strength, it shrinks and is afraid of a new relationship.
What we need to understand is that as long as depend upon anyone for our emotional nourishment we will be hurt at some point because nobody can truly be a constant regular supplier of love, especially supply on demand, as tends to develop in any intimate but open ended relationship. In marraige the additional factor of family and child comes up that cements two people together for little longer. However sooner or later, the vital nature in man gets disappointed, the ego gets hurt, the desires remain dissatisfied, or simply restlessness and need for change enters simply because the relationship enters into the mechanical groove of everyday life. The result is what you describe and what almost everybody experiences in a relationship, one way or the other.
Yes girls are generally more centrered in the heart and feelings, whereas men are more in the mind and thoughts. However when a breakup or loss occurs, men suffer as much as a,woman, often worse because most are conditioned by society that one should not cry. So they conceal their emptions and don’t know how to handle it. They are in fact more fragile and vulnerable and much more likely to turn towards someone else or even take to devious ways than a woman. A woman is inwardly fundamentally stronger than a man. She just needs to realise this and instead of being dependent or seeking validation and approval (which many get accustomed to) she must discover and carve out her own path independent of all others. Relationships work best if they are from a position of mutual strength. This means that two people should not come together out of some unfulfilled need or want or desire which the other can fulfil, because this is not likely to last long. They should come together in freedom and joy, both on their own unique journey yet together not bound by any emotional or other need but because being together enhances their mutual joy. But when away, they do not feel diminished.
So take this event as an opportunity to discover yourself in freedom, to understand yourself as well as human nature, its limits and possibilities. Know that all human beings are limited containers and no one can satisfy the thirst for love except the one and only original and infinite Source, the Divine. Try to seek the Divine through your feelings and the response is bound to wash away all this sadness and jealousy and disappointments forever.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
