I feel I am trying my best to change, be more silent, argue less, but other family members are constantly being loud, discussing the little things of a routine that has been followed for years and years, it’s starting to get irritating and frustrating, I just want peace, space, to think, grow, and more lightness and happiness in the house. I don’t have an option to move out as I cannot afford it, and my job is close to the family’s house, but I quite literally feel I am going insane with the constant bickering, and the small living space doesn’t help either. Of course, working 8 hours helps get me out of the house, but when I come home, I just want to live my own life and not be around my parents. I’m tired of the same conversations, but I also cannot force or change anyone to behave differently, I am sure they are doing their best but it’s not working out, everyone seems miserable in this situation and there has to be a way to resolve something so silly and simple as being less serious, more grateful, and how can the family do that? Is there something I am not doing? I try my best to remember Mother always, by writing daily in my journal to her. Especially when times are tough, I talk to her and repeat the Om Sri Aurobindo mantra. Definitely, it calms me down, but I guess I’m just wondering when things will change. Sorry for this question, I know it makes me look impatient. But that’s because I am…
Such is the case in most families; it’s a life centered around little things. In many families, it leads to quarrels and irritability because spending time speaking of or discussing little things tends to lower the consciousness and fix it in a small and narrow frame. One cannot change it as long as there isn’t an inner shift, a shift of inner goals and motives of life.
Most elderly people develop a rigid and fixed view of life and are driven by habitual patterns of thought and reactions that keep repeating mechanically. One can try to engage them in some other activity, going out to a local temple where they can meet some people of their age, or simply unblock their energies locked in the same mechanical groove of life. Sometimes this outer change helps, especially if the living space is small. But it is all temporary because as long as they themselves do not feel the need the change, the patterns of the past continue.
Of course, you can see if you could address some little practical concerns that could make life a little easier, or find a way so that their mind and energies can be diverted meaningfully. There are a lot of needless issues over which people get stressed out. Perhaps these too, could be addressed if possible. But one thing one should avoid is discussing and trying to change! That rarely works with the elderly and often end up hurting them or making them more rigid trying to defend their way of life.
I understand what you would be experiencing, but there is really little that you can do except for practicing inner detachment so that you don’t get dragged into it, which would only make things worse. Try to stay busy, not only with your work but also with some physical activity as well as learning new things. When time and circumstances permit, look for a place of stay that is nearby but independent. It greatly helps.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
