Because of me, not only my life but four other lives could be set on fire. I am so afraid. I can only tell this to Mother, but after all I went through these past two years trying to build my awareness, become sincere, and live carefully cz i sometimes get these desire of belonging still I made another mistake, and it’s not a small one. Now I don’t know how to handle the consequences. Will Mother still hold me in Her arms and save me, and everyone else, again?
I feel so foolish and selfish.How should I move forward in this situation, dada? Even though I am keeping calm, I know everything and everyone else may not, and the fire could go on and on. And i will come back to the same circle… how should i break the circle… shall i isolate myself completely.
The Divine does not see things as humans do. What we call as mistakes and errors are part of His plan to help us grow aware and conscious of our true self cutting through the layers of ignorance in which it is hidden. These folds of ignorance that conceal the true self are the dual layers of good and bad, right and wrong. But the truth is still deeper and when he plucks at our robe of virtue it is only to bring us nearer to the truth that is beyond these formulas of mind. As long as one tries to be virtuous, the mask and shadow of it chases us looking for the moment of weakness which are always plenty. As long we try to be good, its contrary follows us as a shadow. It is only when we drop both that we can come closer to the deepest truth of our self. That deepest self is not subservient to any social norm or respectful of external authority but a seeker of Truth and Light and Beauty and the truth of Love and the spirit of divinity and is drawn wherever it feels it. But since human beings are almost invariably a mix, it soon finds itself disillusioned and stifled within a net of desires and tends to turn away. But this deepest longing returns again for the Ideal even in human relationships. Passing through these experiences the soul discovers that no human relation can actually quench its thirst for love and it is only the Divine that can fulfill this. It is this thirst that takes the form of desire for belonging, and the longing for perfect relationship.
The remedy does not come by returning back to the old way of life that moves in a never ending circle of finding and losing, of unwittingly giving and getting pain. It breaks when we break free from the illusion and trap of human love and turn towards the Divine entirely, completely in a total self-giving. If we can do that sincerely then the tendency becomes weaker, the shadow begins to drop off, the dark mantle of ignorance drops off. Then we belong to no one and none can claim us except the Divine. Then we leave the swing of good and bad, right and wrong and shift to the One to whom we really belong.
And yes the Divine Mother is always there to lift us in Her arms and carry us through everything towards the great goal that lies beyond the fields of ignorance in which we move. Who else can one turn to? Who else will wipe our tears and pull us out of error and ignorance? Who else can comfort and give us strength but She?
Here is what She herself has said.
‘In truth, the Divine gives to each one exactly what he expects from Him. If you believe the Divine to be distant and cruel, He will be distant and cruel, because it may be necessary for your supreme wellbeing to feel the wrath of God. He will be Kali1 for the worshippers of Kali, and bliss for the bhakta2 He will be the All-Knowledge of seekers after Knowledge, the Transcendent Impersonal of the illusionist. He will be an atheist for the atheist, and the love of the lover. He will be fraternal and near, an ever faithful friend, ever helpful, to those who feel him as the inner guide of each movement, at each minute. And if you believe that He can erase everything, He will erase all your faults, all your errors, tirelessly, and at each moment you will feel his infinite Grace. In truth, the Divine is what you expect of Him in your deep aspiration.’
‘What value have our impulses and our desires, our anguish and our violence, our sufferings and our struggles, all these inner vicissitudes unduly dramatised by our unruly imagination—what value do they have before this great, this sublime and divine love bending over us from the innermost depths of our being, bearing with our weaknesses, rectifying our errors, healing our wounds, bathing our whole being with its regenerating streams?
For the inner Godhead never imposes herself, she neither demands nor threatens; she offers and gives herself, conceals and forgets herself in the heart of all beings and things; she never accuses, she neither judges nor curses nor condemns, but works unceasingly to perfect without constraint, to mend without reproach, to encourage without impatience, to enrich each one with all the wealth he can receive; she is the mother whose love bears fruit and nourishes, guards and protects, counsels and consoles; because she understands everything, she can endure everything, excuse and pardon everything, hope and prepare for everything; bearing everything within herself, she owns nothing that does not belong to all, and because she reigns over all, she is the servant of all; that is why all, great and small, who want to be kings with her and gods in her, become, like her, not despots but servitors among their brethren.’
Affectionately,
Alok Da
