Even now, I have female friendships mostly. I have male friends, with whom I would mostly behave as a guy, buddy, bro, dude… But when among females, I feel myself to be a man among them- someone who needs to take their responsibility and becomes a caregiver… so much so that at times. I forgot I, too, am a woman. I am an elder sister to a brother as well. I have never had a boyfriend… though I wish to have one. I do find men attractive.
But I need to confess with guilt that I find women attractive as well. l, that I end up comparing myself with them and give up and get lost in admiring them… that at times, my group friends have made fun of me regarding my gender based orientation… I too have taken offense at those comments… but when alone I actually speculate what if it’s true… what if I am lesbian or bisexual.. at best… These thoughts bother me… Please help me unravel this dilemma.
Dear,
Being a Tomboy or experiencing protective feelings as well as comparisons with other women does not suggest that one is a lesbian or a bisexual. What matters is a clear sexual orientation, of feeling physical attraction towards the same gender. All the rest is a secondary result of it. If there is actual physical/sexual attraction towards the same gender, then one can consider the possibility of being a lesbian or a homosexual. Being caring or comparing does not amount to gender orientation.
In any case, it is not a cause of concern as societies are much more open and accepting today. As long as one is attracted towards the opposite gender, it doesn’t pose a problem in marriage as well. There are quite a few bisexual women who carry on well with their lives, including having children. Rest is a purely personal matter. As long as you are comfortable in your body and happy with yourself, and as long as you are not harming others in any way, I don’t see any cause for concern about gender orientation issues. It is a problem only if there is an inner discomfort about being who or what you are, independent of the social acceptance part.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
