Yet, flaws surface—ego, self-consciousness, emotional reactions—which make me feel guilty and disoriented. These moments expose a deeper insecurity and a fear of abandonment by God, rooted in misconceptions and insufficient faith. Still, when I reinforce trust, I feel closer to God and recognize the beauty of this relationship.
This insecurity also affects my social behavior—seeking attention, hiding emotions, craving certainty—and has made me vulnerable to negative influences, even in dreams. I’ve sometimes mistaken darkness for truth, letting it shape my worldview.
Ultimately, I realize that without faith in God’s love and kindness, my understanding of the Divine remains incomplete. I yearn for Their presence, devotion, surrender, and unity—with God, with others, and with all of life.
The defects you enumerate are universal, though the extent and expression differs. Their root cause is ego, ignorance and desire, which almost universally afflict all mankind.
The remedy is also universal. They go as the mind of man turns away from preoccupation with itself towards the Divine Source from which all has emerged, from our little gains and losses, successes and failures, joys and griefs towards the Grace that sustains all, uplifts all, transforms all.
Do not think too much about one’s defects, as it only strengthens them. Instead, think about what you want to be. What you are today is the creation of yesterday. But the seeds of attitudes and actions you sow today through your dreams and hopes and aspiration will construct your future. So invest your time and energy in what you want to be.
Yes, the Divine is kind and loving and compassionate beyond measure. His Love not only heals suffering but transforms it into delight. What is needed is a faith that persists through everything and an aspiration that refuses to give up. Here is a word from the Mother to encourage us.
‘What value have our impulses and our desires, our anguish and our violence, our sufferings and our struggles, all these inner vicissitudes unduly dramatised by our unruly imagination—what value do they have before this great, this sublime and divine love bending over us from the innermost depths of our being, bearing with our weaknesses, rectifying our errors, healing our wounds, bathing our whole being with its regenerating streams?
For the inner Godhead never imposes herself, she neither demands nor threatens; she offers and gives herself, conceals and forgets herself in the heart of all beings and things; she never accuses, she neither judges nor curses nor condemns, but works unceasingly to perfect without constraint, to mend without reproach, to encourage without impatience, to enrich each one with all the wealth he can receive; she is the mother whose love bears fruit and nourishes, guards and protects, counsels and consoles; because she understands everything, she can endure everything, excuse and pardon everything, hope and prepare for everything; bearing everything within herself, she owns nothing that does not belong to all, and because she reigns over all, she is the servant of all; that is why all, great and small, who want to be kings with her and gods in her, become, like her, not despots but servitors among their brethren.
How beautiful is this humble role of servant, the role of all who have been revealers and heralds of the God who is within all, of the Divine Love that animates all things….
And until we can follow their example and become true servants even as they, let us allow ourselves to be penetrated and transformed by this Divine Love; let us offer Him, without reserve, this marvellous instrument, our physical organism. He shall make it yield its utmost on every plane of activity.’
(Ref. https://incarnateword.in/cwm/02/the-supreme-discovery#p23)
‘Never forget that you are not alone. The Divine is with you helping and guiding you. He is the companion who never fails, the friend whose love comforts and strengthens. Have faith and He will do everything for you.’
(Ref. https://incarnateword.in/cwm/14/the-divine-is-with-you)
Affectionately,
Alok Da
