It is not Asuric, but turbulent, like you said. I think this is a big call for Progress for me, and as I said, it is why I feel so off.
Now Sri Aurobindo speaks of two paths, which I’m a bit confused about: “There are two movements necessary for this connection to be established. One is upward; the vital rises to join with the higher consciousness and steeps itself in the light and in the impulsion of a higher force: the other is downward; the vital remains silent, tranquillised, pure, empty of the ordinary movements, waiting, till the dynamic power from above descends into it, changes it to its true self and informs its movements with knowledge as well as power.”
So, I’m just confused about which path I should take. I understand now why I find certain aspects of life very difficult because even though my mind discerns something, my vital doesn’t listen. It’s got a tight control of me, and doesn’t allow me to tell it what to do; it is too strong and doesn’t listen. It’s like I’m not in control of myself sometimes and it makes me suffer a lot. So clearly, reasoning mind and discernment aren’t enough for me, you know?
So, how exactly practically do I take the next step towards taming this turbulent vital of mine? Like in everyday life, I work obviously, and work with Mother in mind and heart. I spend time with my friends in small doses a week. I exercise regularly and read regularly. But is there something else I should be doing?
I try to surrender it whenever it gives me difficulty and observe, because I feel the only way it’s going to be illumined and tamed is by Mother’s touch. I don’t think I can do it myself because it is simply too out of whack, and I can’t deal with it on my own.
I’m praying, offering constantly, and I’m just ignoring the suggestions when they come and not focusing on them. Is there something more I can do? Or is it just a matter of time?
It’s difficult, so difficult, but I know it is a Grace because once this is controlled, it will help me a lot in my spiritual life. It’s just taking so much perseverance and willpower; sometimes it feels so exhausting. But I want to do it, and have such a strong aspiration for Mother to come and transform me to become a better instrument for Her. It’s just a bit difficult.
[https://incarnateword.in/cwsa/31/the-vital-and-other-levels-of-being#p6]
The vital is a seat of difficulties in everybody and the first step is taken by identifying the difficulty rather than justifying it. Next, one must nurture the aspiration for its change, want it persistently without ever giving in to guilt, depressions as there may be repeated falls on the path. One should never give up, for to give up is to lose the battle. As long as there is effort, there is hope. And even if one is unable to put in the needed effort, as long as there is faith in the Divine Grace and its power to change, there is hope. It may take long, very long, the change may be slow and imperceptible to begin with but every inch of effort at the alchemy is worth it. Victory comes to the most persevering and one who is ready to endure the passage.
The foundations of the change are laid by reorienting one’s life from seeking after personal happiness and pleasure to the Service of the Divine. If done sincerely, it is the one step sure shot remedy. The other thing needed is to establish an inner basis of calm, peace, equanimity by aspiring and asking for it. A third important practice is to learn to step back and reflect before one speaks, writes, or acts. To put it paradoxically and semi-humorously, one should delete before one writes.
Of course, one should be careful of the company one keeps. Just as there is nothing more beautiful than having a wonderful companion on the way, there is equally nothing more dangerous than to have a crude person walk along with one’s side. Best is to make the Divine as your permanent companion and friend.
Most important, of course, is reliance on the Grace. Aspiration for serving the Divine is the path of ascension, whereas the call for the Grace, for Peace, for the Divine Victory in oneself, to open to the Mother with faith, calling Her Name, is the path of descent. They are not either-or. Both are to be taken simultaneously as complementary movements.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
