I now think from my studies that there is a vital being that takes over her–it’s like a whole other personality comes into her and she lashes out, verbally attacks, and it is worsened by alcohol, or in the psychology terminology there is a “splitting” that happens. I do not blame her or think it is her soul at all-but I cannot take the abuse anymore, and I don’t feel the Mother wants me to accept it anymore either…
I want to give my life completely to the divine on this path. If that is so, I cannot accept being treated in this way anymore. I have asked the Mother to completely take over the situation–namely by preventing the attacks that keep happening to me, and to neutralize the situation somehow. Or, perhaps it is that I need to draw all of my strength and faith in the Mother, and even if the attacks continue, I need to know I am not touched by them? I do feel Her Grace so much in the situation. When I feel tormented by my mother, I turn to the Mother and then I feel peace, and that I can resume my life. I am awaiting to see how She handles the whole situation and praying to Her to take away my guilt and shame while also helping my mother–though if my mother drinks, and does not accept help even for that, I do not know how that can happen.
What I wonder in my question to you, is what on a spiritual level happens to those with these illnesses (borderline, psychosis…she has also gone into psychosis at times worsened by alcohol.) Is it totally a play of vital forces that have run amok in a traumatized person? I know she experienced physical abuse as a child and that’s probably the root of her disorder. I know my mother has been able to have her soul “peek out” so to speak during certain periods of peace and calm in her life, but stress triggers her disorder. It is very heartbreaking. Any insights you have on any of this are very welcome as always.
It is wonderful to see the way you are taking all this with the perfect attitude of an understanding benevolence as well as detachment and equanimity. Your faith is a great power.
Yes it seems a strong adverse vital influence. While it is always good to have compassion the focus should be on your inner journey. The more you grow within and draw by an affinity the forces of a higher spiritual kind. It is these that will help her most. Most often the soul retreats far behind from this dark network. If there is love in the heart, not sentimentality but the warmth of the heart then the soul is still in contact. More than this it is difficult to say without meeting her. In any case prayer is what you can always do and must do. Rest is the Divine Grace working through the complex and tangled web of destiny.
It is equally important to keep your distance, build your own space undisturbed by all this atmosphere and not succumb to blackmail. Sending my prayers for peace and harmony in your home.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
