At times I feel greatful that these circumstances brought me closer to the mother, even though outer situation is still very difficult. How should I handle this?
Every sensitive person passes through this critical self-evaluation at some point or the other. The simplest way to handle this is to understand that man lives in ignorance and hence he is designed to learn through errors and grow through stumbles and falls. This applies universally. It is only through sadhana that one gets freedom from ignorance and has the knowledge to chose wisely. So the right response is not blame and guilt but feeding the fire of aspiration by the fuel of love and consecration to the Divine so that one slowly eliminates ignorance which is the root cause of all problems.
And yes fortunately, God, the all-knowing Guide uses everything for drawing the soul nearer to Him. As Sri Aurobindo says beautifully in Savitri.
‘Our errors are his steps upon the way.’
After all it is He who has made this world of ignorance with a purpose and, in the last analysis, it is He who takes the full responsibility. If we surrender to Him with faith in the Grace, He wipes away every error and its consequence.
‘Aham tva sarvapapebhyo mokshisyami ma sucah.’
Affectionately,
Alok Da
