Upon deeper introspectin i know i want to be free from my Fears, anxieties, consequences and bandhas… … that is being difficult for me.
My motherly bandha with my daughter, iam not abel to totally stepback.. that kid has gone through lot and still struggling with anxieties, confusions, her own inner spiritual path and outer personality. I know i can do nothing its her souls journey and i can only be for her and invoke Mothers protection. Iam doing that but it hurts attimes seeing her struggle. She is on meds for ADHD and anxieties… and i feel helpless when she is going through lot.
No there are pocjets of joy, she is back to sports, singing ect that gives her joy. i dont even talk about that and how chocked iam feeling and difficult to deal with even basic things. I stand for my self and say No to many things thati used to do it in past just to keep balance in family and rhs the problem there. His exoectations and almost no expectations for me towards him. Iam soooo confused and exhausted, i know there us some insincerity in me nd ths y iam not abel feel and see light and joy in life??. Its my problem totally and nit where what to be changed?? I dont know any more… iam exhausted, tired and pray nd pray and invoke Mothers light to show direction.
Freedom means freedom from Ignorance which comes by the discovery of the soul within. Until then we remain bound by our nature which we carry wherever we go. As long as we are moved by desires, ambitions, expectations we will be prone to fears, anxieties, disappointments. The pursuit of happiness in life almost invariably opens doors to suffering. Instead, one should strive to progress and then happiness will automatically come. As long as we seek worldly happiness we shall find the shadow of sorrow chasing us. The ultimate progress is of course to find the Divine and exchange our limited ego-identity with simply that of being a child of the Divine Mother. The royal road to freedom lies in taking complete refuge in the Divine.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
