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Dr. Alok Pandey
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AT THE FEET OF THE MOTHER
Ask Alok da

My father’s elder brother’s daughter’s son falls in love with a girl and married her. Since the girl belonged to a different caste, I adopted her according to Brahmin traditions and performed the Kanyadana (ritual giving away of the bride) to my sister’s son. 🤝🌼[…]

The bride and groom bear all the wedding expenses. No one from the girl’s side has come for the wedding. I adopted a girl for the purpose of her marriage and performed the Kanyadana (ritual of giving away the bride); I am now unsure whether I should accept her as my daughter or limit the relationship strictly to the marriage itself?

What you have done is a sweet gesture out of the necessities of the traditional marriage. It is a kind of apad dharma, which is not binding after the necessity has passed away. Of course, if there is an emotional bond, then that is a different matter. But as such, it is not binding for you to remain as a father adopting her for the rest of your life. As such, adoption might invite legal challenges and simply taking her into your family as a father might invite unnecessary social complications. A goodwill gesture is best not turned into a lifelong commitment.

Affectionately, 

Alok Da 

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