This Sunday late night while I was returning Home, I was listening to this lecture of yours https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekckSylpG2E , I had an intense experience, it started when you spoke about Sri Aurobindo’s effort in publishing Arya, I felt a profound awe then suddenly at around around minute 25:55 when you mentioned “during the time where the world gets pushed towards Darkness, Sri Aurobindo starts writing Savitri”, it felt as if something was caving in deep in my heart, almost like falling from a great height. My heart began racing, breath felt shorter, and a wave of awe turned into fear and panic.
Though it lasted only about a minute, it completely took over my awareness. I slowed down the car on the highway, lowered the volume, and paused the talk, as it took about another 5 – 10 minutes to regain composure.
The intensity slowly subsided over the next few minutes, and I was able to continue driving and finish listening to the talk, which ended exactly when I reached my home. I felt fine afterward and, by the next morning during my regular pooja and meditation, I felt spiritually lighter and touched rather than disturbed.
I am a little perplexed and wished to seek your insight: could this have been a spiritual descent or awakening, or perhaps a resurfacing of an old panic response (from years ago) or some sort of attack by Hostile forces (it was late night on a Highway) ?
It is a well known response that sometimes occurs to the ego-self when it suddenly comes in contact with the Divine Reality. It panics with fear as it feels as if it is going to be annihilated and hence shrinks. It was most certainly due to this sudden contact with the Divine, most likely a sudden inner awakening, unexpectedly and unprepared, which led to the panic. Of course there is nothing to fear, no hostile attack (far from it) and nothing to do with any illness or stress. What is needed during any such moment is to widen oneself by remembering the Mother and surrendering oneself completely in Her hands.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
