AT THE FEET OF THE MOTHER
Ask Alok da

I genuinely love a guy (or at least I feel that way), but we are not in a relationship because we know that we are not perfect for each other. We live in different places, so we don’t meet. There were times when we had an argument and we stopped talking for months, but we ended up together. 👨🏼💗👩🏼🦋[…]

If someone says anything to me that he cannot tolerate. But he always tells me that I should find someone for myself because he will not marry me, and also he will find someone better and forget me. And even I feel that is the correct thing for me to do. But there are two things I want to mention: when I first saw him coming, there was some sort of bell ringing around me (I know this is sounding very lame).

Secondly, when we barely knew each other, I was there at evening meditation around the Samadhi and I was sitting and next to me there was an empty passage for a people to walk and volunteers over there were not allowing anybody to sit over there, but somehow those volunteers made a line next to me and he went somewhere else and sat but these volunteers told him to sit next to me, and we had a meditation together. This is also a very lame thing.

He is peaceful about everything because he has a clarity of mind. And also he is not a follower of Masters. But I am restless; as for me, there is a strong vital pull, due to which my Sadhana is affected at some level. What should I do?

There is evidently a vital attraction which is very different from love. It usually wears off with time unless there is a strong deep affinity of goals, ideas and interests.

Marriage is a different matter. It requires a deep commitment which can come only if there is some glimmer of true love or else strong earthly bonds of family, habits, customs, language, etc. Besides, a long-distance relationship is very different from living together in close physical proximity. Many unwanted things begin to show up in close proximity that are enough to derail a marriage. It is best not to rush into a lifelong commitment unless you have met physically and lived together for a clearer understanding of each other. It is one thing to appreciate a forest view from a distance, quite another to live in it.

Affectionately 

Alok Da 

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Alok Da, I have got attached to someone after a physical intimacy (kind of night stands – about 4-5) but he is not. how to handle it. Actually I thought I am in love with him…so I allowed all that to happen…else i happened to be someone who wouldn’t let anyone touch me. What should I do? I am afraid of conveying my feelings to him as I know he is not going to reciprocate. I am just always craving his proximity, which i know is my problem.. How can I be at peace?? I want to detach myself from those feelings i have towards him?

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