At Home, small things suddenly make me angry, I snap at family without reason, and sometimes I even daydream of moving permanently to Pondicherry alone, just myself.
Even though I still fulfil my duties at Home and I care for my family, I feel emotionally more distant these days, and I am unable to correct this even when I am aware it is happening.
I am sincerely seeking your guidance to understand why Devotion is deepening inside, but emotional control feels weaker outside, and how I can bring both into balance in the right way. On weekends, I spend time at the Sri Aurobindo Center, and that is the time I feel most myself.
The emotional being, unhappy with its present emotional environment and relationship, either turns towards other persons (the usual course) or else it turns towards some high cause and ideal, or even better, towards the Divine. That is what is happening with you and it is beautiful.
But while your inner being is turning towards the Divine, the outer nature is still feeling the sting of unhappiness now compounded by the dislocation between the growing inner truth and the outer circumstances. The way forward is to keep growing inwardly in your devotion and service of the Mother, offering everything to Her. As to family, practice inner detachment and equanimity and call Her Calm and Peace into yourself.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
