I have not satisfied this divide nature so aspiring the total surrender for the divine at that time they attack in different way such doubt in mother sri aurobindo which was very painful moment for me, ego, excessive ambition and sexuality etc. Now their impact is much less than before. When I take prayers and meditation books and randomly open the page I find “oh lord, you want I become your selfless worker than a meditative person”, “oh lord, don’t attach with your inner presence, make me a hero warrior so that i can surrender to you all parts of my being so that your complete manifestation will be possible”(not the exact but the essence, date of the prayer i have forgotten) unknowingly i had aspired these things in my life but now the integral yoga aim has been cleared in my being and by her grace slowly slowly i escape the traditional method and believe system which one of was the bhakti based on complaint, crying etc but this is the egoistic approach. I want divine in my own way but I found a lion like silent aspiration where child believe her divine mother and her actions in calming way on the other hand he reject all these things come between him and her mother. Dada I found when the consciousness goes down in the lower part then the instrument acts by the lower force but when the consciousness concentrates in the heart centre or above the mind then the instrument feels peace,joy and happiness. Here my attitude is that the mother is working in the lower part so that part will become the divine. When the ordinary nature acts I feel the consciousness in the lower part.How to draw the consciousness in upward while engaging in ordinary life? Dada sorry for the lengthy passage.
Your experience clearly indicate that you are quite well on the path. The lower nature is never easy to conquer in anyone. Even the strongest sadhak stumble over it again and again until it loses hold and their force of past momentum weakens and then drops down one day.
The reason why they prolong sometimes much more than needed is partly because the mind gives it an attention which feeds them further. It is a subtle law of life that whatever you give attention to will tend to increase. Indifference is often the better way than fighting actively which is never easy.
Thirdly, as the sadhana grows the consciousness expands into the cosmic and one begins to take into oneself the difficulties of those around and he becomes a representative of the difficulties unique to him. As they get worked out in him they get worked out in others. Hence this yoga assumes the nature of a battle often as the same problem that was conquered in oneself returns from other sources for resolution expanding the field of work considerably.
The method to deal with all these things is very much the same. One has to become conscious, try to reject, offer to the Mother persistently and keep aspiring for Her Peace and Light and Love to invade the fields of Nature. It is Her Grace alone that can overcome and transform them. What is to be avoided is getting focused upon and discouraged by the difficulties. They are there, one takes note when they arise, one tries to reject and offers until they slowly fade away as they must under the influence of Her Grace. But the main focus should be on growing in Her Light and Peace and Love and Service. It is work that purifies most. Hence it is important to take up some work done selflessly for Her. This is the best purifier.
Strive steadily with full faith in the Grace and what seems impossible now will grow more and more possible and conquered one day.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
