Looking back, I recognize an old childhood pattern of dissociating entirely from paths, pursuits, or values whenever the people representing them appeared hypocritical or unkind. In these reactive states, I question whether my connection to Her was ever genuine or merely born of circumstance and fear, feeling tempted to walk away entirely. Yet, during life’s hardest storms when I need Her refuge most, this recoil leaves me feeling isolated and confused about my true faith. What is the root of this defensive mechanism, and what does genuinely “opening” to the Mother look like beyond mental effort or emotional revolt?
Such thoughts as of unfitness, etc come to almost every sadhak at some point or the other. These are suggestions from the forces that do not want us to progress. Nor is the presence of contradictory elements in us the sign of any unfitness. Everyone who has developed beyond a certain point carries within oneself self-contradictory elements to begin with. It takes time to align oneself, sometimes rather long. What is needed and what really counts in the end is perseverance: to refuse to ever give up, to keep persisting and growing in one’s aspiration and surrender until the doors open one day.
Along with this, it helps to set aside a routine to read, to walk, to meditate, to visit the Ashram and to breathe in its atmosphere. And yes, Satsang has a great value. It does help to meet fellow seekers either in a study circle or else come for the class.
Opening to the Mother means to think of Her naturally in distress as well as when things are fine. It means to feel peace or joy in Her remembrance. It means to want to know more about Her, read about Her, seek Her inner and outer nearness. It also means to feel the urge of devotion towards Her or the urge to serve Her. It means to have spontaneous faith in Her and call Her. To make our life a means to serve and grow one with Her is the acme of this opening.
It doesn’t come at once. It generally starts with some kind of attraction towards Her, towards Her photographs or teachings and the urge to be in Her atmosphere. It ends with the aspiration for a growing oneness in Her.
To read Her books, to hear about Her, to take Her Name, to keep Her photographs are some of the means of opening to Her.
The essence is however, given in these two passages below. And yes, now that you are here, you can always come so that we can meet and discuss whatever specific difficulties you might be facing.
‘The one thing necessary is to be turned to the Mother and that is all that is needed. Do not fear or be sad, but let the Mother do quietly her work in you and through you and all will be well.’
-Sri Aurobindo
(Ref. https://incarnateword.in/cwsa/32/turning-to-the-mother-for-help)
Affectionately,
Alok Da
