(2) Dada, I’m not entirely comfortable with the traditional concept of marriage. To me, it feels like throwing a dart at a target in a dark room-you have no idea whether it will hit the mark or miss completely! The concept of Bio-Data feels like this to me.
(3) Parents don’t give me the freedom to go solo traveling. They always tell me, “Marry, and then go wherever you want to.” Dada, how does this even make sense? Also, for me, travel is Pondicherry; I cannot think of partying or roaming around here and there. Or if I visit a place other than Pondicherry, I always want to visit the Center of that place. I always feel I want to travel before I get into the responsibilities of marriage.
(4) Also, my maternal relatives are tremendously poking their noses into our home affairs. They influence my Mother so much that my Mother does only what they tell her to do. And my Mother takes so much tension also; her health is not very good. Even my maternal relatives have only one topic to talk about, i.e., “my marriage.” So whenever I try to go out or something or mention travelling, they all try to stop me through my Mother (also, the children of my maternal relatives are party animals; they visit Goa, Dubai, etc. very often without even taking permission from their respective parents). They even feel that my marriage is delayed because I follow The Mother and Sri Aurobindo. Dada, how does anything make sense?
In this whole situation, my parents as well as I are both frustrated.
I really want your guidance. I really want my parents to be very happy.
Please enlighten me. I want to take responsibility, but how? Also, I want to get married but how?
I completely agree with you and fully understand your need to travel alone, find your own partner and make your choices. It is the right thing to do and is the dharma of the Age. How else will one grow and discover oneself?
But this will be very difficult as long as you are financially dependent in some way or the other on the family. The most important thing you need therefore is to have is financial independence. As long as you depend upon money on anyone, be it your father, or husband, it will be nearly impossible to live your true life based on your swadharma. Marriage will not help either unless you become financially independent. With financial independence, the compulsion for marriage also goes away.
Otherwise, what you say is absolutely true. Children should be allowed to make their choices. Parents can guide them in the process but they should not make the choices for them. The old conservative idea when parents chose for the children and held themselves responsible until she got married is not only outdated but counterevolutionary. Many a girls and women have been stifled in their deeper and higher possibilities of progress due to these excessive fears and restrictions. But then it is extremely difficult to change rigid ideas and prevalent ways in any society. What is needed is to educate the child, girl or boy, in making the choices and not make the choices for them.
All that I can suggest is that you pray to the Mother and try talking to your parents when they are in a good receptive state and see.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
