A few had not even taken time to understand another’s point of view; they are so quick to judge and make a decision based on their judgments. Is it even rational to behave this way? There was no mutual support and understanding, but merely a sharing of events and I realized later that there were unsaid judgments, especially if we live a life quite different from accepted Indian (Society) standards.
With a bit of reflection, I have realized that we need to widen our understanding of the World while being aware of our tendency to judge quickly. This is definitely the Mother’s Grace that cultivated this behavior in me.
However, is it possible for Friendships to continue, or if they can even be called Friendships at all to start with, when there is no attempt to understand the Aspirations of each other and have Trust and Goodwill and be Supportive of each other?
At the moment, I live in Europe, and people are more conscious of such things and look for depth, especially when it comes to Friendships. They don’t judge and discuss behind the person’s back, but they make conscious efforts to be Honest with each other while accepting the person for all their flaws in the process of Growth. It makes me sad to see that this is not how my Indian friends were.
I am coming to realize that all those could be surface-level behaviors and I am trying to take this as an opportunity for Internal Progress. There is one thing that troubles me, these Indian friends don’t behave this way with their own family, husbands and certain people. They are open to listening and change in that circle, not sure how effective that is, but I see their dominance and passive aggression when it doesn’t impact their life directly.
Trying to understand, what kind of behavior is this? I am not saying I am perfect and I have my own challenges to work with too, but I am thrown off by these extreme behaviors and double standards. What is the criterion these people use to make their decisions? Please shed some clarity and insight on this. I have always considered Friendships to be quite a sacred part of Life and tried to do the best of my ability.
Yes, your observation is quite true. It is partly because of the strong individualistic tendencies in Europe, whereas a strong tendency to hold to the societal norms and standards in Asia. In India, the difficulty is even greater because of a strong tendency to look back and find support in the past traditions. Of course, the spirit of India is wonderful, but the moulds and forms need to change, else it will be left behind in the forward march of Time.
The other problem is that, individually, you have moved ahead, inwardly so to say. You have been blessed with aspiration, which, anyways, marks one different from the common lot. And then this contact with the Western world has further widened you. So your friends from school and college are unlikely to understand you. They may accept you as a freak, but certainly not understand. This is how it is with all who have a conscious spiritual urge born in them. One has to live with it and be happy that one is no longer belongs to the common lot.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
