Then I feel and offer to Sweet Mother, please make me above from this mistake. But after two days It happen again. This forces used to come after a month’s, now they are coming within few days.
So due to this I couldn’t concentrate on the things which are important. Why it comes now with in few days not after a month’s?
Desires are quite natural at your age, especially sexual desires. They are very tenacious and tend to return in a never ending cycle because there is something in us, especially in sexual desires something within the body and its obscure lower vital elements that responds to the slightest vibrations. These vibrations are all around, they circulate in the atmosphere of the earth and take advantage of a weak moment tend to seep in. Especially the desire for food and sex has deep roots in the biological substrate of the body and hence drop off with the dropping off of all animality. Suppression is almost always temporary as it keeps returning like a see-saw.
What needs to be done is to apply the will to reject or postpone it when it arises turning the mind towards other things. But if one is unable to do so, one should not feel guilty or sad about it but quietly offer the act and the desire and its fulfilment to the Mother. If one can invoke Her Presence and offer it just as the trigger begins or remember Her in the heart while another part is pursuing the desire, then again it helps get rid of it faster.
What you are trying instead is to satisfy it one last time hoping it will go away. This doesn’t work for sure. It only increases the recurence by force of habit followed after few months by the tendency for relative quiescence if the will was opposing it despite the body indulging. One has to then wait for another such opportune moment which may come after many months.
One has to do lot of exercises, read uplifting words especially before sleeping and keep the mind away from thinking about it even with the idea of getting rid of it. Turn the thoughts away carefully avoiding all that triggers. In any case do not dwell much upon it. It will eventually leave. Meanwhile keep strengthening your aspiration keep turning more and more towards The Mother.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
