Besides, although not sure but I have a people-pleasing nature and want to be liked by everyone, but lately I have been expecting validation. I expect him to put me on his priority list, but why? Why should someone define where I stand? Since childhood, I have been told to behave according to people so that they will approve of me as a good girl. Maybe that’s why it’s reflecting here. But neither do I want to expect things from people, nor do I want myself to want people to behave according to how I want them to behave.
There have been several unavoidable circumstances due to which he can’t be emotionally available. And due to this attachment, whenever there’s a slight fight, it hurts so bad. I am not able to focus on my studies. I constantly try to find the reason for the fight because mostly it’s because of my stupid expectations, or mood swings. But I always search for a logical answer. Please help me.
Attachments, expectations, wanting to be the closest are all natural in human love. It is a package wherein the core of love gets covered by a whole set of emotions and passions and the conditioning from the past. It is not easy to just get rid of it in one stroke while keeping the love intact. Even when the mind understands that expectations will eventually bring pain, still the emotional being continues its way out of habit and attachment. One needs to keep reminding oneself that no one is here to fulfil one’s wishes. In fact, love is not meant to fulfil our desires. Its purpose is to give joy, to build harmony by the mere fact of its presence in our lives. It also provides a bed of stability and security, a companionship and togetherness that supports each other’s growth and progress. Too much dependence closes love in a small movement. It is like shutting off the water meant to flow into a little pond. It invariably dries it up or makes it stale.
What is needed is to turn this energy of love you feel through your relationship into various modes of progress, especially in creative undertakings. Keep yourself busy in beautiful ways, knowing that there is someone who is there with you. What you need is an active engagement with life in various activities while knowing that someone is there with you, emotionally if not intellectually and spiritually. Love should not become a need or dependency but a beautiful link connecting two hearts in a common inspiration.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
