Because of this realization, I feel that I should not have behaved rudely toward them. I have also noticed something about myself. I think I often have a fear of losing people or losing good bonds. Sometimes I worry that if I do something wrong, people might stop liking me or move away from me.
Because of this fear, I think I have already created boundaries. How should I deal with this fear and these reactions? What is the right attitude in such situations?
As long as we wait or long for the approval of others, until then we remain vulnerable. Instead of trying to regulate your behavior according to how others act and you react, try to tune it to what is true and good for you, especially with reference to the goal you have set for yourself. Human beings are not hardwired to understand others because of the development of ego-individuality, though a necessary stage in human development. It is only when we go past this painful though inevitable stage of human evolution and discover the individual soul within us that this problem gets truly gets solved. Until then, various forms of adjustments and accommodations go on, such as mutual respect, giving space to each other, living by some higher principles. These are all helpful in their own way. But the more we find out and focus on our true goal, the better it is. Then we do not need to over-regulate our actions and reactions with reference to others since we have found our own true reference point within us. Therefore, the most important thing is to find our own true reference point and that means finding our true goal and live by it.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
