The first thing is to take your teenage daughter into confidence. She must feel that you are her friend and not an administrator or a teacher. It requires a little broader outlook to understand that children her age go through certain things, certain experiences as part of their growing up process. During adolescence they become aware of their sexual impulses, gender identity, attractions towards the other gender. There is also a gradual breaking free from parental ideas and parental control. At the same time they are becoming flooded with all kinds of thoughts, feelings, ideas from all around as they enter out of the safety of their homes into the vastness of the world. There is also growing stress of studies and immediate goals. All this can be and is quite confusing to the adolescent. He or she needs to understand but friends are no real help. Hence parents must step in as friends who understand and recognise their challenges rather than judging and condemning them hastily.
One has to be very patient and create ways, means and opportunities through arts, sports, extracurricular interests and hobbies to keep their energies flowing in meaningful direction. This is the second necessity, to channelise their energies.
Finally, one should have interesting discussions with them, to take them into confidence and discuss everything that is relevant to them and their experiences. Some simple tips are:
Listen to them more than lecturing them.
Play with them, watch movies together rather than only teaching them. A lot can be taught and transmitted during play and even entertainment than by formally telling them a list of dos and donts.
Do not keep telling what to do and not do. Instead discuss everything logically and let them learn to be logical and reasonable in their life and actions.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
