Keep refining themselves until it happens? And what becomes of the partner, should the conventional marriage one is already in be dissolved or slowly gotten rid of? And also, how come the rishis and rishikas stay married? Were their marriages not accommodative of such relations?
It is a very good pragmatic question faced by almost everyone who tries to walk the path with some sincerity.
As to the complete mastery, it does take time. The methods range from the most outer precautions such as avoiding meeting in closed quarters, as certain Sannyasis and Sannyasinis do, to leading a monastic life as in Buddhist and Christian monasteries, to see and worship Devi in every woman as Swami Vivekananda suggested, or to love God in all beings as Sri Aurobindo suggested.
‘There are two ways of avoiding the snare of woman; one is to shun all women and the other to love all beings.
What should be the ideal of a modern woman in ordinary life?
In ordinary life, women can have all the ideas they like, it is not very important.1
From the spiritual point of view, men and women are equal in their capacity to realise the Divine. Each one must do so in his (or her) own way and according to his (or her) own possibilities.
25 January 1970
- Later, Mother added, “For women, in ordinary life, the ideal is good health and harmony.”
(Ref. https://incarnateword.in/cwm/10/aphorism-303-304-305#p3)
To see God in all is the path that I have found ultimately the easiest and the most complete. It is because of the big difference that the mind keeps making between the two that attraction finds its full play. At the same time in the experience of even the greatest of sadhaks, it is ultimately the intervention of the Divine Grace that gets one rid of the difficulty for good. In any case, it takes time, as its roots are deep within the very body and the subconscious. Besides, it carries its own subtle truth, as pointed out by Sri Aurobindo himself in one of his last writings on the supramental manifestation and the destiny of the body.
‘The difficulty is dual, psychological and corporeal: the first is the effect of the unregenerated animality upon the life, especially by the insistence of the body’s gross instincts, impulses, desires; the second is the outcome of our corporeal structure and organic instrumentation imposing its restrictions on the dynamism of the higher divine nature. The first of these two difficulties is easier to deal with and conquer; for here the will can intervene and impose on the body the power of the higher nature. Certain of these impulses and instincts of the body have been found especially harmful by the spiritual aspirant and weighed considerably in favour of an ascetic rejection of the body. Sex and sexuality and all that springs from sex and testifies to its existence had to be banned and discarded from the spiritual life, and this, though difficult, is not at all impossible and can be made a cardinal condition for the spiritual seeker. This is natural and unescapable in all ascetic practice and the satisfaction of this condition, though not easy at first to fulfil, becomes after a time quite feasible; the overcoming of the sex instinct and impulse is indeed binding on all who would attain to self-mastery and lead the spiritual life. A total mastery over it is essential for all spiritual seekers, the eradication of it for the complete ascetic. This much has to be recognised and not diminished in its obligatory importance and its principle.
But all recognition of the sex principle, as apart from the gross physical indulgence of the sex impulse, could not be excluded from a divine life upon earth; it is there in life, plays a large part and has to be dealt with, it cannot simply be ignored, merely suppressed or held down or put away out of sight. In the first place, it is in one of its aspects a cosmic and even a divine principle: it takes the spiritual form of the Ishwara and the Shakti and without it there could be no world-creation or manifestation of the world-principle of Purusha and Prakriti which are both necessary for the creation, necessary too in their association and interchange for the play of its psychological working and in their manifestation as soul and Nature fundamental to the whole process of the Lila. In the divine life itself an incarnation or at least in some form a presence of the two powers or their initiating influence through their embodiments or representatives would be indispensable for making the new creation possible. In its human action on the mental and vital level sex is not altogether an undivine principle; it has its nobler aspects and idealities and it has to be seen in what way and to what extent these can be admitted into the new and larger life. All gross animal indulgence of sex desire and impulse would have to be eliminated; it could only continue among those who are not ready for the higher life or not yet ready for a complete spiritual living. In all who aspired to it but could not yet take it up in its fullness sex will have to be refined, submit to the spiritual or psychic impulse and a control by the higher mind and the higher vital and shed all its lighter, frivolous or degraded forms and feel the touch of the purity of the ideal. Love would remain, all forms of the pure truth of love in higher and higher steps till it realised its highest nature, widened into universal love, merged into the love of the Divine. The love of man and woman would also undergo that elevation and consummation; for all that can feel a touch of the ideal and the spiritual must follow the way of ascent till it reaches the divine Reality. The body and its activities must be accepted as part of the divine life and pass under this law; but, as in the other evolutionary transitions, what cannot accept the law of the divine life cannot be accepted and must fall away from the ascending nature.’
(Ref. https://incarnateword.in/cwsa/13/the-divine-body#p10)
It does fall away if one persists with the help of the Grace.
As to the existing man-woman relationship, it is understood that once one takes to the higher life, only those associations remain that are ready for the shift. All else, especially whatever cannot share the journey, does fall away or falls apart eventually. That is why in all traditions marriage or partnership is advised between two persons following the same path. Then only there is a possibility of true collaboration. That is what we see in the life of the Rishis and Rishikas. Some realised the mastery together, helping each other on the path and the progress. Others led to the downfall of the partner and destiny either separated them or the progress suffered. Each problem has to be dealt with in its own unique way. But ultimately, it is the Divine Grace that resolves it if one is sincere in one’s seeking.
Affectionately,
Alok Da
